Do we want our baby to have godparents? If so, who would we choose?

Whether you're deeply rooted in a faith tradition or just love the idea of giving your child more anchors in life, choosing godparents can be a meaningful and surprisingly flexible way to surround your baby with love. But first: what exactly are you signing people up for?

What is a godparent, really?

Traditionally, a godparent is a sponsor named during a baptism ceremony, someone who helps nurture a child’s faith and walks alongside them as they grow spiritually. But today, many families are creating their own versions of this role.

You might call them guideparents, heart-parents, or simply chosen family. Some bring spiritual guidance. Others offer mentorship, creativity, or just another safe lap to cry into when your kid is 14 and over it.

In short: godparents can be religious, secular, symbolic, or somewhere in between. You get to define what the role means in your family.

Do we want godparents?

Start here. There’s no requirement, religious or otherwise, to name godparents. But if you love the idea of naming someone to walk alongside your child in a special way, someone who offers support, stability, and maybe a little magic, this could be worth exploring. It’s also worth considering:

• Do we want our child to have additional adult role models beyond family?

• Are there people in our lives we’d like to honor with this kind of role?

• If something happened to us, would it bring comfort to know our child had someone steady to turn to?

What does a godparent do?

That depends on what you want. For religious families, the role may include guiding your child through sacraments, attending church events, and talking about faith. But even outside of religion, godparents often become:

• Mentors and advisors

• Celebrators of birthdays, milestones, and small victories

• Trusted adults who offer emotional support when life gets messy

• Co-conspirators in introducing your child to new ideas, passions, and worldviews

Some families even involve godparents in specific values: encouraging creativity, sharing a love for nature, passing down cultural traditions, or volunteering together.

How do we choose the right people?

Not every lovely friend is cut out for godparenting. This is a relationship that spans decades, not just a cute baby shower moment. So before picking names, take some time to reflect. You might ask:

• Who shares our values or models the kind of character we admire?

• Who is reliable, present, and genuinely interested in our child’s life?

• Who has a special connection to us or our child already?

• Who could offer our child a different but complementary perspective?

• Who would be excited, not overwhelmed, by this kind of lifelong role?

Age, lifestyle, emotional maturity, and even location matter. Someone who’s just starting a new chapter may not be in the right place to take this on, and that’s okay.

Also: try not to pick someone just to keep things smooth. It’s not about pleasing a pushy sibling or doing a favor. Choose someone who really feels like the right fit, not just to avoid a few awkward family dinners.

Do godparents have to be legal guardians?

Short answer: no. Godparents and legal guardians aren't the same thing. Being a godparent is more symbolic or religious (depending on your tradition), while a legal guardian is the person who would actually raise your child if you weren’t able to. That decision needs to be made official in your will or estate plan.

That said, some parents do choose the same person for both roles, especially if they’ve got someone who’s deeply trusted, shares their values, and knows how to handle a toddler meltdown without melting down themselves. But it's totally okay to split the roles if that feels better:

You can build your village your way. The key is making sure your child has loving, capable adults around them, some who can guide, some who can nurture, and ideally, at least one who won’t blink at the words “diaper blowout.”

How many godparents can we have?

Traditionally, churches might suggest one or two (often one man and one woman), but if you’re going the non-religious route, you get to make the rules. One? Great. Two? Classic. Four? That’s a tiny Avengers team.

The key is clarity: make sure everyone understands their role and feels excited, not confused, about what it means.

How do we ask?

There’s no right or wrong way to mark the moment. Whether it’s a quiet conversation or a big celebration, it’s about what feels meaningful to you.

Some sweet ideas include:

• A heartfelt letter or card from your baby-to-be

• A keepsake with a personal message (a framed photo, engraved keychain, or tiny onesie with the big ask)

• A casual but meaningful conversation over dinner or coffee

However you do it, make it feel like an honor, not a favor. Give them time to consider, ask questions, and share how they feel about taking on this role. You want them all in, not just nodding politely.

Can we celebrate the moment?

Absolutely. If you’re having a baptism, that’s one kind of celebration. But even without a religious ceremony, you can:

• Host a “Welcome to the World” party where godparents make vows or share wishes for your child

• Write letters to your baby that godparents will add to over the years

• Plant a tree or build a time capsule together as a lasting symbol of the relationship

Ceremony isn’t about perfection. It’s about connection.

Final thought

Choosing godparents is one of those decisions that may seem small now, but carries big emotional weight. It’s a way of saying: “You matter to us. And we want you to matter to our child.”

Whether you go full-on ceremonial or keep it casual, whether you name one godparent or five, the goal is the same: building a life for your baby that’s rich in connection, guidance, and love.

And honestly? That’s a gift for everyone involved.

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